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| page 85 |
I can't wait for the trend of naming you child after whichever pop culture icon you like the most to really pick up steam as more Millennials have babies. The reason why I'm excited is the prospect of having a president named "Harry Potter" or "Sonic the Hedgehog" in 50-60 years.
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| page 84 |
Herp tea is just about the worst thing you can find in your coffee mug, next to a mug full of Ted Cruz's oily sweat.
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| pages 82-83 |
Paul Giamatti is the thinking man's Nicolas Cage. Both are known to appear in nearly every kind of movie, across the spectrum, from Oscar-bait dramas to B-movie cheesefests; they seem to have very open minds or no standards when it comes to scripts. They also are both known for utterly committing to the material they're given, no matter how insane the words coming out of their mouths may sound. The only difference is the quality of output; in Giamatti's case, more often than not, he's the best part of the movie - even when he's in good movies.
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| page 81 |
I think the best kind of movies are the obscure semi-forgettable ones. The kind that you never seek out, but end up watching on hour 5 of a cross country flight out of sheer boredom or happen to catch on some basic-cable backwater while in the grips of insomnia. They are seen only once, and then live on as mis-remembered bizarre plot points and a composite of scenes full of elaborate spectacle. in your mind. The movie ends up becoming a weird, better version of itself in your memory bank than anything Hollywood could ever come up with.
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| page 80 |
You know the old saying: first you hit the beer bong hard, then the beer bong hits you harder.
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| page 79 |
There's no better way to spend an afternoon than sitting on a porch with a six pack and doing some old-fashioned people watching.
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| page 78 |
Gentlemen, salami sales are down 15%, turkey is down 28%, and don't even get me started on the numbers for bologna. One thing is clear; it's time to re-brand cold cuts for the Millennial generation using the time-tested strategy of appealing to the nostalgia for their idyllic youth. This will be done through association with a beloved snack food that was heavily marketed during the 1990s. I give you Meaty Fruit Roll-Ups!
