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| page 38 |
If you draw while you're on mushrooms, you will come up with some things that will surprise you, like this hippo-headed dude, for instance.
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| page 37 |
The Dutch Margarita is the drink of choice for the plutocrat on the go. Accept no substitutes!
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| page 36 |
I present you with dialogue from Michael Bay's next feature; a four hour montage of sideboob, explosions, and racist jokes set to the tunes of Sammy Hagar. It's being called "Fuck Your Stupid Brain."
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| page 34 |
Conan O'Brien has absolutely no time for your boring stories. He can't be bothered to show the slightest interest in your dumb hobbies. He feels no need to express any sympathy about your dead pet. But can you really blame him? I mean, the guy doesn't even know you.
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| pages 32-33 |
Grape flavored Jolly Ranchers are so gross that the only way to make them palatable is by adding medical-grade narcotics to the mix.
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| pages 30-31 |
This is it. The Citizen Kane of unreleased films, destined to stay in some studio vault until the end of time because it's too good to share with the public. If you're lucky, Tom Hanks might invite you to his annual screening which takes place on the summer solstice. Those who've seen it describe the experience as akin to seeing the face of the Divine.
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| pages 28-29 |
Golf legend Arnold Palmer has only one weakness: sexy cartoon lemons.
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| page 27 |
I hope you like sandwiches, because I just told you how to make one.
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| page 26 |
"Listening to the frog of wisdom speak" is probably the best euphemism for vomiting I've encountered in my many travels on this planet.
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| pages 24-25 |
It's a little known fact, but each strain of cannabis has a totem or spirit animal associated with it, and if you smoke too much at once, your head will take on the form of the relevant animal. To get a shark head, just smoke an ounce of Sour Diesel.
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| page 23 |
I've got news for any Google Glass users who think they're on the cutting-edge of technology: the future of wearable tech isn't on your head, it's up your ass.
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| pages 20-21 |
You should always try to work a Rodney Dangerfield quote into the conversation; nothing else is quite so simultaneously high-brow and low-brow.
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| page 19 |
You're not really an artist unless you've got a notebook full of half-baked installation ideas you have no intention of ever doing.
