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| page 86 |
This concludes volume 1 of Kraezofsky, aka the Old Testament. Stay tuned for volume 2, where you learn the secret to immortality.
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| pages 84-85 |
This is the only known photograph taken under the influence of LSD. And by that I mean the camera itself was tripping, in addition to the photographer and the subjects of the photo.
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| pages 82-83 |
If everyone was petting the same dog at the same time, would they technically be petting each other too by the transitive property of dogs?
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| page 81 |
Don't let the title fool you, this post has nothing to do with Alice In Chains. It's literally a man in a box.
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| page 80 |
If you're ever lucky enough to get Jeremy Blacknose at one of your parties, then you'd better be ready to transform into a fuckin' giraffe at a moment's notice, because that dude is only a couple steps below Bill Murray on the Legendary Index.
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| page 79 |
If you ever uncover a Mayan relic while digging in your garden or you find a book written in an indecipherable script or maybe you stumble onto a Viking burial mound, just call the Treasure Professor. He'll be there in a jiffy to determine if you're dealing with a Sumerian or a Babylonian water-demon, because only he can tell the difference. And believe me, you'll want to be sure which kind it is before you say any incantations or make any sacrifices.
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| page 78 |
A moon map of the north shadow lands lit by a secret stone.
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| pages 76-77 |
"These guys are the coolest," said the world's lamest 10 year old. "I want to buy their action figures and keep them in the original packaging."
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| pages 74-75 |
This is the first known recorded appearance of the legendary Brak Broccoli. I have no idea what case he's on, but I'm guessing it's a case of 40's.
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| page 73 |
If anyone reading this has an extra $20 million and no idea what to spend it on, may I humbly suggest investing in this movie museum idea that I came up with on drugs. The business model is airtight, as you can see above.
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| page 72 |
If you see a kid singing along to One Direction or whatever the fuck they listen to these days, do them a favor and slap a copy of Bat Out of Hell into their stupid little hands.
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| page 71 |
Just don't look into his eyes.
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| page 70 |
Theatre isn't dead, you just have to know where to find it. For instance: an old, drunk homeless dude yelling about the government is really avant-garde street performance.
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| pages 68-69 |
Jeremy Blacknose is the last living vestige of the old American spirit. Just to clarify, he embodies the inventive, rock and roll, kick-ass side of America, not the racist, hyper-capitalist, dumbass side. But you would know that if you ever met him.
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| page 66 |
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| page 67 |
A wise man once said "Time is a flat circle," which sounds profound until you learn that he also said "That's what I love about these high school girls, man; I get older, they stay the same age."
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| pages 64-65 |
It's generally known that if you talk to the Crow Man, he will only respond with "Hang on." It doesn't matter what you're talking about, because he never pays attention, and you can use this to your advantage. Just start talking about coffee futures or something equally obscure and boring, and then sneak past him after the tenth "Hang on" and you'll find his treasure trove of PBR.
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| pages 62-63 |
Apparently, back in the 50s when the CIA was working on MK-ULTRA, the agents involved became fond of pranking each other. One of their favorite pranks was to secretly dose another agent's drink with LSD and then watch the results.
