I present you with dialogue from Michael Bay's next feature; a four hour montage of sideboob, explosions, and racist jokes set to the tunes of Sammy Hagar. It's being called "Fuck Your Stupid Brain."
Conan O'Brien has absolutely no time for your boring stories. He can't be bothered to show the slightest interest in your dumb hobbies. He feels no need to express any sympathy about your dead pet. But can you really blame him? I mean, the guy doesn't even know you.
This is it. The Citizen Kane of unreleased films, destined to stay in some studio vault until the end of time because it's too good to share with the public. If you're lucky, Tom Hanks might invite you to his annual screening which takes place on the summer solstice. Those who've seen it describe the experience as akin to seeing the face of the Divine.
It's a little known fact, but each strain of cannabis has a totem or spirit animal associated with it, and if you smoke too much at once, your head will take on the form of the relevant animal. To get a shark head, just smoke an ounce of Sour Diesel.
I've got news for any Google Glass users who think they're on the cutting-edge of technology: the future of wearable tech isn't on your head, it's up your ass.
